Smile :)

it's a monday morning. you can clearly see our class is newly painted. our english teacher, ??? had a speech which titled "smile" during the assembly. 

"smile, can lower our blood pressure and releases stress. furthermore, it can reduce the awkwardness. smile is the cheapest medicine. it makes us healthier and happier. JUST SMILE, everything will be alright! " that was what teacher told us.


I'm good at faking smile. sometimes, i smile to hide the pain inside. And so people won't see the tears in me. Isn't it's easy? No! 


Smile is as easy as ABC, even if babies know how to do so. But for me, a 16 years old teenager, it is getting harder and everyone knows how to fake a smile, like I do. Ever since I was shifted, that's my specialty.


I prefer sitting alone than a group nowadays. I don't like answering people's question or sharing my life. I turn to be so low and speechless. I wonder what would i be if I had depression... Sounds crazy right? haha!


I like daydreaming at school. I dream so much.... I dream I became popular, I was good in sports, I shifted back in a sudden, I knew guitar, I knew drum and etc... I dream about my friends the most. They are good. They've changed me into a wise, active and clever girl. I hate studying at school when I'm 13,because of their encouragement, i'm in love with it! 


Apparently, no one likes to study, do they? because their hardworkingness and self independent, fear crept into my mind all the time especially exam's around the corner. So i became rajin and "strong"! 


i used to hate bringing food to school also, but because of them, i enjoyed bringing snacks and food or sweets, and the serving is like for 6 people!! haha! cause i knew they would be super hungry when teacher was teaching.


they are my besties, my peeps, plus my BFF! they'd made me those unforgettable memories. thanks so much!

Lately.

Idk what should i do. what shall i do? let it be or try everything to achieve it? i got 0 idea. why i have to go and make life seems so complicated? and yes, i did made them go much simpler. but how? exercising? reading comics? shopping? don't care too much bout'em! GOSH! just set me in north pole please! i wanna freeze myself! or do my "dong mian" ! i'm just way too over thinking. man! this guy seriously can ruin your whole life! i mean OVER THINKING okay?! 

oh well, maybe i should continue my "a---choo" or "black bird". they're attention seekers. can't exactly surrender to their awesomeness!

In the middle of the night...

Promise myself that no matter what, I have to stay strong. And this is the last week I can still doing this. No more next time!

I force them out in the night to calm myself down. I swear I've been trying very hard to do the searching, but now I guess its time for me to give up. Cause its pointless. I've got tired of asking, pleasing, waiting and expecting. Really. Sigh... How good if I didn't shifted...

My life now is SUCK! This post probably would be the hardest post I've ever written!

School. Two more years to go. I should be study hard. Cause I know ill be working after my school's life ended.  So appreciate it.

I'm telling you that i will stop putting my efforts on those damn annoying stuff anymore! They're worthless. They don't deserve my thoughts. And they about to ruin my life , too, if I keep letting them to stay in my mind. Then why I have to treat myself that bad? So don't stress, do my best, and forget the rest.

crybaby.

REFUSED. a worst feeling for me. a decision you've made got refused by someone is like a feeling you got beaten down to hell. REAL BAD!


CRY. maybe is the only way for me to solve it. i'm so sorry that i've been so weak. weak enough to let a word to break me down so easily. maybe all i need is time... however, i still can't get why i keep on crying.



i'm such a crybaby. 

things i'm good at...

Depressed.

trust no man, fear no bitch.

feels like my tears are bursting out. no words can explain how i feel right now. time flies, people change. however , somebody doesn't.

it is hard to get use in a whole new environment, new friends and new school. at first, i thought it'd be no big deal for me but then i realized it's tough. and it's harder than how i thought. i know i know. i'm such a useless person. i even feel like shifting back to my old school. cause i'll be more comfortable studying at there. but what to do? like one of my bf told me, " it's going to be tough at first de. just like Elaine. no one can get use to new things so quickly. you've already changed to there. you have to learn to accept your new school or how you going to be happy? there's no perfect school in this world. don't just see their imperfections. " boon, thanks for your POWER man! i feel stronger! haha! I'll try my best of the best la!

get to know you all is the best thing i ever had! thanks god for giving me such a great gift! i'll appreciate it! and i love'em so badly! 

These feeling...

fretful. tired. confused. complicated. 

 I cannot forget the way how I feel right now in these small hours.

These little wonders, these twists and turns of fate.

new house, new place, new school, new friends and of course, new life.

life can get hard and the things can go wrong...i just gotta stand up and stay strong!

never give up, no matter what! 

cause i belief, 

even when life seems too hard, believe you can face it, not because you're strong, but because God is with you.

I hate this feeling!

"Worst feelings: crying yourself to sleep, being ignored, discover the person you love loves someone else, someone falls out of love with you."


Maybe if I cared less, I wouldn't be so stressed.

my dear.

this is the part of me, but you never gonna ever take away from me. NO!

looks like i'm gonna lose people in my life. and realize that no matter how much time i spent with them or how much i appreciate them and told them so, it will never seem like it was enough.

ahhh!!!! seriously, i don't want to leave this school  my friends! they are like my supporters and clowns! stand by me when i'm in need. make me laugh the hell out when i'm sad or even in a bad mood. "friends are like diamonds. precious and rare." so dear best friend, please stay in my life forever because you're one of the best things to ever happen to me. 

"without humor, life sucks. without love, life is hopeless. without courage, life is hard. but without friends like you, life is impossible!" 

urghhh! i have to tell jah that i hate EXAM so much! especially physics and add-math! they're ruining me and i screwed them up! i studied so haaard i tell you! i slept about 12 or 1am every night! however, i got no idea what the shit was the paper crapping about and thinking "when the hack did we learn this?" at the same time.  i'm so sure that i'll failed it! 100% sure! i guarantee you! and i wonder why i got so serious about the test. WHY? people keep asking me why don't i just failed it or not study at all since i'm leaving soon. but, i can't do it lehh... one of my friends even asked me answer what i knew, or just passed it up with a blank paper. cause she wants to know what's that feeling. XD what a qt girl... haha! fine! just fine!! just fail it! whatever! 

to be truthful, i think i'm suffering from "mephobia". which is a fear of  being becoming so awesome that the human race can't handle it and everybody dies. come onnn, i'm kidding  serious lah! lol 

a simple test from me: try to say 'eye', then spell 'm-a-p' out loud followed by 'ness'. :) comment if you really did this!

call me MAYBE!

ATTENTION: EVERY HUMAN MUST WATCH THIS VIDEO!!!


omg! i love this video real bad! the cutest and funniest video i ever watch this week!!! i'm very serious to announce: THIS IS AWESOMEEEEEE! don't do things that make you feel regret! so, PLAY IT!!! i love Ashley Tisdale and Logan's dance! so funny and crazy enough to make me laugh! gosh! i still can't believe how hilarious they actually are. i'm starting in love with'em. <3 <3 <3


plus, i've downloaded the song. awww... super NICEEEE i tell you!!! i'm not lying! #FACT and i even consider to set it as my ringtone. should i? i should! haha! well, it's joke time! let's go! "Things I do EVERYDAY: 1. Get up 2. Survive 3. Go back to bed." another one, "Why are you chewing gum in my class?!?!" "Dude, chill, it's gum, not cocaine." next, "When I die, I'd like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out. "Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?" moreover, "Best way to get out of a text convo: "The message could not be delivered. Please try later. Error 226110" and "The world would be a lot more fun if people screamed whenever they yawned." last one, "Bella: You're pale white and ice cold, I know what you are... Edward: Say it.....Out loud..... SAY IT. Bella: Vanilla Ice-cream."


"hey, i just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe! And all the other boys try to chase me, but here's my number, so call me maybe! #SWAG well, that was really weird! WEIRD! they're just got real!"